Office of the Governor Rick Perry

Dewhurst Roast

*Note - Gov. Perry frequently departs from prepared remarks.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005  •  Speech

Thank you.  It’s an honor to be here tonight on behalf of a good friend.

I have to admit I approached this roast with great trepidation. 

The last time a statewide elected official asked me to roast her…
…two weeks later she began running for my job.

So this time I have a different goal:…
…to return things to the way they once were…
…when Carole was attacking David instead of me.

You see, I’m just an innocent bystander in a simmering feud…
…I’m not the one who broke out the packets of Equal and Sweet-N-Low over breakfast to explain how the state budget works.

Before I go any further, let me say what an honor it is to be with this distinguished audience…(pause)…
…and our friends in journalism too. 

It is good to see our new Ambassador, Karen Hughes. 

Karen is so good she will have the French and Germans on message in two weeks.

Let me also say a special hello to Karl Rove.  He may not be in the room, but if you believe Wayne’s book he is monitoring by satellite. 

Hell, he may even have the place bugged.

More than anything, it’s good to be here with the 33rd best calf cutter in Amarillo…
…Lieutenant Governor David Dewhurst. 

David is much more than a friend…he’s a leader I admire. 

I admire anyone the press doesn’t hold accountable. 

Now think about it.  David has a lot of great qualities…
…punctuality is not one of them. 

So when he unveiled his college loan program, I couldn’t believe it when no one in the press called him on it for its title…
…“Be on Time.” 

Imagine if I rolled out the same scholarship program, and called it the “Get on down the road” scholarship fund.

And just imagine if I went back to Paint Creek to rope some steers…
…would I have gotten those puff pieces? 

No chance, someone would have written I was desperately scrambling to shore up the Haskell County vote. 

Soechting would have put out a release that I was scheming with the steers about school vouchers. 

And the bloggers…
…well who knows what they would have written about me and steers.

But I can see why David took some time off from senate business…
….after all…
…as Senator Ogden said about his risky pay raise plan…
…“we get what we pay for.” 

And while David wants you to think he makes as much as $600 a month, I know better…
…I’ve seen that check after taxes…
…it won’t even cover his wine tab for one night at Eddie V’s.

And that’s one of the differences between David and me. 

He drinks fancy white wine…
…I drink Pearl in a can.

Another difference is that I served in the United States Air Force…
…based on David’s direct mail, he prefers the German Luftwaffe. 

But David and I share a lot in common too. 

We both have good hair…
…we both beat Sharp…
…and we both almost missed the president’s appearance in Dallas because David was stuck in the bathroom.

Some of you may recall we both we’re thinking of running for lieutenant governor in 1998. 

Instead, David’s money ran Tony Garza out of the race for land Commissioner. 

Well, who’s got more money now Governor Dewhurst?

But don’t underestimate the Dewhurst campaign for governor in 2010. 

By then he will have an Ethics Commission opinion declaring Mexican beer money an illegal foreign contribution.
But I couldn’t think of a better Texan to share the same stage on one of the best days of our lives…
…the day David and I both took the oath of office together. 

That day we both spoke of uniting Texans…
…David even used a little of that CIA Spanish when he said, “juntos podemos”…together we can. 

Only problem is that was the theme from four years earlier. 

I’ve got an early draft from his 2007 inaugural speech, when he will speak about “One Star, One Future, One Texas.”

But all kidding aside, I am delighted to appear here tonight in honor of this good man…
…a compassionate, visionary Texan…David Dewhurst. 

He loves this great state. 

He pours every fiber of his being into building a better Texas. 

And if I can’t be one of his Team Roper’s, I’m just glad we both serve Team Texas.

It is also an honor to raise money in memory of Sam Attlesey.

Sam was a gentle giant…
…a true Texas gentleman who was a pleasure to be around. 

He is missed by a great many who work under the pink dome. 

But as a testament to his kind spirit, tonight we are doing something good in his memory…
…helping to send to college the journalists of tomorrow…
…in other words, fresh meat for Beckweth and Sanders to leak to.

But tonight, regardless of where you come from, in Sam’s memory we are all Cubs fans. 

And I have to say, it’s a lot more fun to root for the underdog…
…and anyway, it’s easy to be an optimist if you root for the Yankees. 

But to be an optimist and be a Cubs fan…
…that’s a special breed. 

And that’s what Sam was.  Thank you, and good night.

Learn more about:
Governor's Initiatives »
Connect With Us
Texas Governor's Office on Google+Google+ Texas Governor's Office on LinkedInLinkedIn Texas Governor's Office YouTube ChannelYouTube Sign Up For Email Updates - Opens New WindowEmail Texas Governor's Office Flickr Photo StreamFlickr RSS FeedsRSS Feeds FlipboardFlipboard InstagramInstagram
Related News
December 16, 2014 • Austin, Texas • Press Release
Statement by Gov. Perry on Chanukah
December 01, 2014 • Austin, Texas • Press Release
Statement by Gov. Perry on the Passing of Betty King
September 24, 2014 • Austin, Texas • Press Release
Statement by Gov. Perry in Recognition of Rosh Hashanah
September 11, 2014 • Austin, Texas • Press Release
Statement by Gov. Perry on September 11th Anniversary
View News Archive »